the good stuff

9:19PM - So, I think I win the embarrassing story of the year award...

I will preface the story with some background info... I'm currently teaching three year olds and we share our lunchroom cafeteria with middle schoolers. Well the middle school principle was carrying a clipboard and as he held it up I noticed that someone had taped the letters FU to the bottom of it. I have this problem of not really thinking before I talk, so I went up to him and said, "Do you know what's on the bottom of your clipboard?!" And he curtly replied, "My name is Mr. Fu." (I could have DIED...)

Current mood: embarrassed

1:46PM - annoyed

Why am I so freaking pious?

10:04PM - it's life jim, but not as we know it

This past week was the most emotionally draining week of my life... From a might-lose-my-eye scare to an am-losing-a-friend reality... I cried more this week than any week of my life. I don't think I'm emotionally healthy, instead of consistently cleansing my emotions/tear ducts, I let them build up like a volcano and when it erupts, it might as well be pompeii... * Other than mourning our friendship as it is (I know we will still keep in touch, but things will change), things have been ok. Summer school and interning are going well.. taking a fascinating class on mythology, definitely learning alot, (and am probably saying that for the first time in my college career). Everything else I've learned has kind of been common sense or prior knowledge, all of this is new to me. Anyway, it's challenging which is exciting. * I have an eye appointment on Thursday in which I hope he'll take me off the drops that dilate my eyes, it makes it really hard to focus on anything with that eye or go out into sunlight at all. * I thought this summer was going to be a breeze... and it's turning out the complete opposite.
On top of that the one guy I'm interested in is not interested in WOMEN. Oi vey. (Maybe I like him because he's safe?) * Going back to Austin in a few weeks and I'm super excited. My plans are to move there in a year after graduation... they could change but I hope they don't. I ~love~ that city.

4:05PM - over my head

I screwed up. Arg. I hope this friend forgives me.

12:39AM - I got a tattoo =O

6:00PM - beauty from pain.. when?

I don't know what to do, where to start. I'm so overwhelmed and attacked. I've never struggled with thoughts of suicide before, but I am now, only because I am sick of this world and want desprately to be with my Savior. I hate feeling like a failure here on earth, I just want to kneel at the feet of Jesus, humbled by His love and stay there for eternity. I'm so depressed right now.


The lights go out all around me

One last candle to keep out the night

And then the darkness surrounds me

I know I'm alive

But I feel like I've died



And all that's left is to accept that it's over

My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made

I try to keep warm but I just grow colder

I feel like I'm slipping away



After all this has passed

I still will remain

After I've cried my last

There'll be beauty from pain

Though it won't be today

Someday I'll hope again

And there'll be beauty from pain

You will bring beauty from my pain



My whole world is the pain inside me

The best I can do is just get through the day

When life before is only a memory

I wonder why God let me walk through this place



And though I can't understand why this happened

I know that I will when I look back someday

And see how You've brought beauty from ashes

And made me as gold purified through these flames



Here and I am at the end of me

Trying to hold to what I can't see

I forgot how to hope

This night's been so long

I cling to your promise there will be a dawn



"It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad." C.S. Lewis

3:05PM - brunette, what what!

2:29AM - :)

Tonight = pure greatness.

Free tickets to see Annapolis.

A SWEET mix cd from my favorite Ash.

Quality time with the H-town gals.

And last but not least, a larger than life movie poster of the Annapolis movie courtesy of the amazing Chad (who got us in free).

7:44PM - my straight tequila night

It's a literati night. I sit playing my little word game with my anonymous friend because it's easy. It engages my mind without engaging my heart. I don't have to talk to anyone, or rather I have no one who wants to talk with me. I don't have to make idle conversations with people I don't really like, or rather I don't have to feel socially inept with people I feel inferior to. It's my escapism when I can't afford to shop, and when I can't bare possibly facing anyone I know. It's a literati night.

Current mood: lonely

5:14PM - true.emotions

I'm angry, I'm dissapointed, I'm frustrated, I'm confused, I'm annoyed, I'm baffled, I'm shocked, I'm sorry, I'm helpless, but I'm there.

WHY?? Why does this happen to someone so selfless. Why does she make choices that lead to destruction? One of my closest friends is falling apart and I'm at a loss of what to do to help her. Do we put her under house arrest? Never let be alone? For fear that she might do it again. I'm at a loss. How can I help her? How can I make her see that she is worthy. Worthy to be loved, worth something to her friends, worth so much more to her Creator. How can I be there for her now like I was 2 years ago? We live farther a part now, I can't shelter her from the world, let her sleep away the problems. Her behavior scares me. What's next? Will my premonition be true? Lord please no. Help her while there's time. Let her return to You with renewed love and salvation. Let her experience the beauty of grace. Jesus, don't forget Your daughter. Don't ever let her forget You.

Current mood: melancholy

10:59PM - blah

I feel sick.. ugh..

11:02PM - why so downcast?

Surrounded by people, by friends, and yet I'm lonely. Longing for You? Longing for my future husband? Longing for someone to know me and value me and treasure me. Longing to know him, to value and treasure him. I know You have a plan, Your ways are not our ways, Your thoughts not our thoughts, and I know I can only see a part of the picture Your painting... Why can't I just marvel at the beauty of the piece You are painting right now? Why do I have to be so antsy to see the whole thing. I love You and I will put my hope in You.

Current mood: melancholy

8:01PM - quotes

The shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor. The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything.

"What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?"
"When it is dark enough, we can see the stars."
"All sunshine makes a desert."

Manners require time, and nothing is more vulgar than haste.
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
Treat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be.
Trust men and they will be true to you; treat them greatly and they will show themselves great.

We must be our own before we can be another's.

1:41PM

Why are we so surprised when we sin? Why is it such a shock when we give into temptation? Do we really not understand that we are sinful people with a sin nature? That not one is righteous, no not one. The temptation for me after I sin is to sit there and wallow in it, listen to the lies that the devil feeds about how worthless of a Christian I am, how I'll never conquer what I'm dealing with, how I'll keep failing God, instead of worshiping Christ for the sacrifice He gave for our sins, rejoicing in His forgiveness, and moving on. Wallowing in guilt does nothing for the Kingdom. Rejoicing in the wonderful grace and mercy that God has for us is so much more productive and freeing.

6:25PM - GO ASTROS!!!!

Call my cell and listen to the voicemail. :-)


A rockin' underwater pic.

Current mood: excited

12:04AM

I don't think I've ever been more grateful for my salvation and my relationship with Christ than I am right now. Truly.

Current mood: grateful

11:27PM

"Dancing"

I want to be like that
Where I close my eyes
And throw my head
Back with laughter and I step
Up to dance with You,
My tiny hands in Your infinite ones,
My steps so clumsy
Compared to Your grace
The music begins and
We step out onto the floor.
My grip tightens, knowing I will fall,
But also knowing You will guide me,
And the music swells, roars in my ears
Until I am so enraptured that
I can't look at
Anyone but You.
My eyes lock with yours...
And then, maybe then,
I will not even notice when
You turn to one of Your sons
And invite him to dance with me.

11:16PM - Warm Fuzzies of the Day

Seeing this quote on Alyssas facebook;
PSALM 29:9 "THE VOICE OF THE LORD TWISTS THE OAKS...(ECC 5:7)...THEREFORE, STAND IN AWE OF GOD!" thanks anjuli!

Getting this msg from Dee;
Anjuli where have u been all my life! How's school goin? U knw when I was at Northwestern State we used to play you guys. Neways holla at me!

Finding out that the Drapers baked a whole extra pan of brownies for me, laura and corrie! (HOW SWEET!)

Having my Grandmother call and ask if we could get together today when I prayed yesterday that we would see each other soon. (GOD IS SO AMAZING!!!!!!!!! And probably smiling right now)

Feeding 6 month old Miller and having him fall asleep as I rocked him.

TAKING A BUBBLE BATH.

Spending three hours just hanging out with my Grandma.

Hearing that the kids actually like coming to Kid's Quest.

Having Kid's Quest fly by and knowing the kids got something out of it, I cannot praise God enough or emphasize enough how completely powerful prayer is!!! I am being more and more amazed and blessed by the power of prayer daily. Lord, let me never forget how awesome being able to pray to You is!

9:50PM

I'm going to go on an obscure rant...
Now the title sounds so cool that I can't think of anything to write.

3:31PM

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed.